I spent 40 minutes this morning trying to not only convince the Lil Diva to stay at school but basically prying her off me. Everytime I got one piece of clothing or limb free from her death grip she would grab hold of another! I was feeling beyond heartbroken. This morning's ordeal reduced me to tears when I finally made it back into my car alone!
I just do not understand what is going on with her. For those that might not know what I am referring to, here is yesterday's ordeal! She was fine after awhile - a volunteer mom snapped a pic on her phone and sent it to me of her playing with her friends. So why the incredible drama at drop off?
I truly felt emotionally drained - the girl knows just what to say and do to pull on those heart strings. Who could walk away from their baby screaming "Mommy I just want to hug you" or "Mommy I want you ,please don't leave me" or "I need you Mommy, I need you!"
The thing is, that if this were my oldest Diva - I wouldn't be suprised. She tends to do these types of things every now and then. She gets clingy and attached and won't want to be seperated from me or her dad. But my baby girl has never acted this way. She might need some extra hugs and kisses but she has never had a meltdown of this magnitude at mere separation from me.
A part of me feels honored - this must mean she loves being with me right! :)
Yet, what I feel the most is sad. Sad my baby girl has to hurt this way - even if it's for an hour or less until she calms down enough to enjoy the rest of her morning at school.
Sad that I have to walk away when she wants me to stay. Sad that I have to walk away when I want to stay.
Sad that I have to walk away in order for my baby girl to learn that no matter what - mommy will always come back.
Sad that I have to walk away so that my baby girl can become a confident and independent big girl someday.
Sad that I have to be the world's worst mom in order to be a good mom.
I sincerely hope and pray that tomorrow is better - being the world's worst mom is emotionally draining.
Bern